Borderline is a superpower

I’d never realised this before but we have powers.

Last night I was sat at my partners house, just talking away whilst in between episodes of Arrested Development. We’ve practically finished it all within a week. I adore that show. Anyway I digress.

The conversation shifted towards her ex. Her ex who constantly messages, turns up at her door all the time and climbs over a fence to look through the window.

He came to drop some presents off the other day but she didn’t open the door, he saw us in the front room through the back window and thus the messages began.

I’ve been accused of stalking in the past, I sent one too many messages, some of which were incredibly hurtful, but this, this was on another level. I mean I wouldn’t dream of just rocking up to someone’s living space without being invited, that would be full blown stalking, a few too many messages to try and sort something out seems to be a little minor compared to this (it’s not, as any sort of unwanted attention just isn’t acceptable really).

Now, I get it, most men, myself included, feel hopeless after a breakup, it generally takes a man a little bit longer to get over something than it takes a female to. No offence but it’s just easier for a woman to go out and attract attention – men are like hyenas circling a kill, waiting for the lions to back away. Reason number 76 I hate my gender.

I didn’t feel angry about it though, instead I asked questions about what went down, how things had ended and what he was like as a person.

Everything I asked was answered, now obviously you have to take into account that it’s only one side of a story but his behaviour kind of reinforced a lot of what I was being told.

It was at this point the BPD kicked in, not in an episode type way, but in the ridiculously empathetic manner. Hence the title of this piece.

I explained that although he’s acting like this now, it won’t last but she also needs to be careful, that it may be worth involving the police but that was a decision only she could make. I mean I’d support her all the way. It’s not every day you find someone amazing who accepts a mental illness and allows them in.

I suggested that instead of feeling anger she should feel pity, breakups are fucking hard for anyone, and I could feel his pain.

His behaviour may be unacceptable but his pain is real. I got that, I got to his level, I somehow managed to describe him in absolute detail on the back of a few spoken words from my partner.

This is the super power I write about, the ability to just understand people in a way that cuts to the very core of them, the ability to see things from every possible perspective, to see truth in things that don’t involve a fleeting moment of insanity from ourselves. Basically anything that doesn’t involve the frantic attempts to avoid abandonment seems to offer intense insight and understanding of other people.

I can only imagine it’s because I’m on the level again, I’m taking medication and it’s in my system. It’s like I can see the world with perfect clarity for once. I can look back on the past and just ‘get it’. I can look back and understand why things have previously happened, the mind sets and perspectives of past loves.

It’s unreal. Especially after reading all the hate about my mental illness. It’s a side that’s never broadcast, the complete understanding of anyone else but ourselves.

The point is, I got him, I understood his pain but his behaviour….thats completely unacceptable. Do I think he’ll harm her, no I don’t, but do I think he’ll continue to encroach on her life and privacy, yes, at least until something is done to make it stop.

I’ve toyed with the idea of seeing if he wants to talk but that would ignite a powder keg from his side. I know that it’s apathetic from my partners side but I think having that talk with her, attempting to show her both perspectives showed both her and I how powerful this disorder can be if used in such ways.

Whatever she decides to do I’ll support it completely.

We sat there talking, absolutely calm, and instead of doing the whole, ‘fuck this guy, I’ll go sort this out’ tough guy (reason number 89 why I hate my gender), nonsense routine, I offered a different perspective, to which she listened, and in the immortal words of Yoda, let go of her anger. Pity is so much more powerful than hatred, she understood this. It can help someone to understand a situation better than irrational anger.

I like to feel I helped in a small way.

But, guys, we have a fucking super power.

Use it wisely.

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